newblog

oncewaslost.tumblr.com

so I'll sit here and write,

till everything is alright,

cause I can't deal with the yelling no more

and now I bow my head to pray

to the only God I know 

that has saved me time, and time again

now I cry,

I cry out... to Him 

times like this I feel alone, 

so alone

I stay here , up all night

gighting the memories of my past, 

of that night...

I cry, 

I cry... to Him

does anybody hear me? 

does anybody see me? 

God take this life, take this life

 for it is yours. 

because according to you, 

I'll make it, 

make it through 

the mess 

<3

long time no post

soooo.
a lot of you all have been asking me, Cassey, why haven't you blogged lately?
welll, I've been super busy and life's been pretty hectic recently. on Saturday I moved... so today is the first time that I've actually had internet. I've been working on a few pieces to post on here so they will be coming soon :)

since my last post, a TON has happened. for starters...

•  I moved
• my grandparents came from Jersey
• I almost killed my turtles :(
• I've cried way too much about missing Chase
• I went to Caleb's brother's graduation baccalaureate thingyy
• Caleb and I almost broke up 
• my brother's graduation party was at my house
• I ate way too much carrot cake
• I saw my grother graduate high school
• I worried about things that were out of my control
• I fought with old friends
• I've been deprived from blogging for six days
• I've realized that a lot of my friends are starting the next chapter of their lives and I'm going to miss them immensely

so now it's time to gather all of my thoughts, and try to post. easier said than done.






a little update to start us off:
I've been loving summer so much. it's great to wake up in the morning and not have to worry about school. I love it. 
my brother left for Greece today on a missions trip :( I miss him a lot. he graduated yesterday and it was quite sad. I'm rabling. sorry guys. I can't really get my thoughts together at the moment. :(
I get to see my best friends tonight!!! in a few hours, I'm goin to Hope Cafe for open mic night with my best friend and on of my close guys friends and it's going to be so great.

I am so beyond stressed.
Caleb and I are walkin on thin glass right now. but guys don't worry, everything will work out :)
ayyayyyoihhhh. I'm just going to end this.  because quite frankly  this post is making my writing abilities look like trash. cause my mind is going 32093482 directions at once. so I'm sorry guys

better luck next time
C

BLESSSSEDDDD.

Everyone,
I am blessed with amazing friends.

the end.

Love always,
C

fl;kjsdal;fkjaskl;fjas;

"In one moment of day, this could all fade away... every breath that I take, is keepin me awake"

-CassandraLouise <3

......

Romans 15:13

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit"

I really need to gain some patience... 

what are God's plans for me??

so I ask my self that a lot, what are God's plans for me? Who will I be in 5, 10 years down the road? 

I would love to know. As a lot of you know, I am not a patient person AT ALL. hah :)
God's really put a few things on my heart lately. 
so I think... what does my future hold? do I have a future?

will this be me? kissing my boyfriend/husband goodbye as he leaves for the Army? I would love to be an Army wife. I've been in love with the Army since I was 13. I moved to NC and a retired soldier talked to me about it because she noticed my lanyard was GO ARMY. that was one of the best days of my life. ( I made that picture myself btw)

or maybe my husband will be on the flip side. Maybe I will be the one, out defending my country with everything I have.  I think that would be the best job in the world, if it was God's plan of course :) there's nothing more beautiful than a female soldier in my eyes. 

or if I'm lucky, I'll get to work with children. because man, do I love kids. I think they are the most amazing things on the Earth. again, it's what ever God calls me to do. this is not my life, it is His. 
neonatologist? 

w

what about preschool teacher?   oh I would love to teach preschoolers. but the job does not pay well, and I would not be able to support myself :( 

 to be quite honest, I just adore kids. my dad's girlfriend has two "little" girls, Natalie, 5 and Katie, 7

Nat is a ton of work, but I simply love her! I'll post pictures of her on Sunday. she is the cutest thing ever! 

so I have a ton to be thinking about... good thing I have a few more years of high school left ;) 

oh and how I can not wait to go to college! my home life is so hectic, it drives me insane sometimes. I'm so ready to be out of the house. 

well, that's all for now, I have got to go run. 

-C-  

Dream as you'll live forever, live as you'll die tomorrow

When hope and ambition ripples harmoniously with love, the tides of life flow like the ocean, beyond realms explored. The ecstasy of a vision is born to mold our destiny, and we shall enjoy the bliss of simple happiness <3

Guys I lost one of my beloved friends not too long ago, and I miss him so much. This is for him

Watch over me tonight, angel :)

I remember the days we spent together,
were not enough.
and it used to feel like dreamin',
except we always woke up.
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much...

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up.
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up.
  but every night I miss you,
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you...

tonight. 

Oh how I miss dance class

hey guys I'm sorry I haven't written in a while! As I mentioned in my last post, Jesse had his 31st surgery yesterday. Thank God that the surgery went great! I got to talk to him today, and he's in no pain.. awesome 

I was very worried that he would be. so I'm happy he's not :)

he'll be gone the whole summer... I'm not really certain that my brain has registered that yet.. not seeing him every day at school and eating lunch with him all this week has really gotten me down. He left Sunday. it's only been four days and I'm already semi-loosing it. Sadness. 

ANYWAYS. school is almost over with! two more days and then I'm freeee, yaya. 

this is going to be the best summer yet. filled with spending time with awesome friends, my amazing boyfriend and telling people about Jesus... what could possibly be better? :) 

so I really really realllly miss dance class. I have been dancing my whole entire life, and last year I had to stop because of  a combo of hurting my knee really bad and we didn't have the $. Today I packed all of my dance shoes and leotards and pointe stuff and costumes from past competitions... it was really depressing because dancing used to my my LIFEEE. it used to be all I ever did and all I ever thought about. pretty much everything that came out of my mouth had to do with dance. 

cross country starts soon!!!!!!!yes I can't wait. I love running. I just had the best workout I have had in a long time. I ran 6 miles, jogged one. then I did 100 sit ups and 40 push ups and stretched. even though that's not a lot, it felt sooo good. and then I took a cold shower... it was awesomeee. 

and now I'm about to get a call from my great amazing boyfriend :) yes. 

well I hate to say it... but bye for now!  and on that note, here's a picture of Jesse and I 2 days before he left 

-Cass

prayng for my best friend.

hey everyone I don't have time to write details, but one of my best friends is in surgery right now. it's his 31th one. please pray.

love,
C

when life's at its worst

so they say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade...
but Cassey says when life gives you lemons, make some lemonade for the people who really need it, and bring your left over lemons to Jesus and He will take care of them :)

who ever doesn't know, I've hit rock bottom and back twice in the last six months. It hasn't been fun for me lately. but, I am happily making the best of it. I take each hardship, and turn it into something good. I f eel right now if one more thing bad happens to me right now, I will seriously loose it. but then I think... would I really loose it? no. I wouldn't. I would stay strong. for myself, and for my God.
because I know that He would not ever face me with a hardship that I could not handle. EVER. because He is my God. and he would never put me in danger or put me through suffering that I couldn't bare. I believe with my whole entire heart that every single thing happens for a reason. there is a reason that I wake up each morning and do what I do. it all has meaning. even though I don't know what those reasons are, my God does. because He loves me so much that he sent his only son to die for  me.
I mean seriously, who am I kidding. there is nobody on this Earth that I would send my only son to die for.  but my God is so extravagant that He did. For me.
I did not deserve that . But He felt I did.
guys, I serve an awesome God.


guys please listen to me. I don't care if you don't believe in what I believe in. I really don't. well actually, I take that back. because I DO. I care so much. I see my friends walking around my school, suffering because they don't know my God. and if only they did... wow their life would change. I guess I just wanted to tell you guys this.. because maybe, maybe hearing a little tiny bit of my testimony will make you think "what if?"
so I'm willing to share it with you.  because I CARE. so please. I beg you. If you have anything to ask me... anything at all. please, just ask.

much love,
Cas

I promise

let me be completely honest with you: I'm not perfect. I make mistakes.  I can't promise you that you'll always approve of what I do.I can't promise you that I'll be perfect one day. I can't promise that I'll turn out to be who you expected. I can't really promise you anything.
             Well I guess that's not completely true. I can promise you that I'm flawed. that I get angry. that I am scared, utterly with out feeling.
I can promise you that I once was lost. that I don't know who I really am. do you know who I am? cause I surely don't.,
I can't promise you perfection. I won't pretend that I'm fearless, going into these vicious claws we call life.
I can't promise you that you'll always be happy with my decisions. I can't promise that you will agree with my opinions. with what path I take in life. with my beliefs, either.
humanity: that's what I promise. because I, I am human.
I do promise you that I will always care. that I will love this life that I live forever and always. I promise that I will never leave your side. I will always be there for you, even if you're not always there for me. I also promise that I will bear, this weight life has brought me. I promise to be kind. to be pure. I promise that I will be faithful. I will be loving. I promise this, to you.
I promise that I am human, and I do make mistakes. more often than I'm happy with. I promise that I make mistakes. that I have problems, that I will love you with the fullness of my desire.
I promise that I will always be my self, and you will have to live with that.
this life I live is interesting, are you ready?
-Cassandra

Writer's block

so I'm not quite sure what Writer's Block really is... but I think  I have it. It has been like, three days since I've last posted. In those three days, I've been trying to decide what my next post would be about... but yet I have nothing.  Granted I've been super busy and flat out stressed recently, that's still no excuse for me not to write. Some of my friends have texted me askin when I'm gonna post something again... even my own sister keeps bugging me to write something. But I simply can not think of anything.. But everyone  can stop worrying, cause I am working on my next piece :) I'm just not sure when it'll be up on here yet. So sorry for the wait my lovelies. Please don't stop believing in me :) Thanks everyone for the encouraging emails! May God bless you all in miraculous ways.

forever&always,
C

Dear who ever decides to read this:

while I don't have time to post anything major, I just wanted to say that I have been truly blessed with an amazing boyfriend.

goodnight, world

-C-

I need new clothes!

and to get new clothes, I need a job :(

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog_name=FOREVER21&category_name=btms&product_id=2075830983&Page=1

 can this just magiclly appear in my closet, pretty please? 

 or this... 

 just anything from forever21 would be perff. cause it just happens to be my favorite store. 

the end

-C-

Handle With Care

so right now, I'm packing my room to move into Wakefield Plantation. as I'm doing this... I find myself doing a number of things: 1) making sure everything is clean when I put it in a box. dusted, wiped with a rag and dried. 2)wrapping all of the glass/breakable stuff with bubble wrap 3) putting like objects together in the same box. 4)last, I realize that as I'm taping these large boxes and moving them downstairs into the living room [where we are keeping the boxes to load onto the moving truck,] I write on the box "Cassey's only," "fragile," "don't break," "careful," or most used, "handle with care."
and so with this, I'm thinking to myself, I do the same things to my heart as I'm doing to these boxes. I'm making sure it does not get broken. I am making sure that it is clean and safe and wrapped with bubble wrap so it does not get broken. I'm telling others, and myself to handle with care. I'm  guarding my heart with every ounce of energy I have, so it does not get hurt. so I don't get hurt. so just like that valuables in my room that I am packing, I am protective over it. I don't want to do it any damage.
and I just had to stop and post about this. cause I feel like other people should do the same as I. so with this, I tell you... guard your heart. be careful. it's a dangerous world out there if you just let yourself be worry-free and leave your heart unprotected. best of luck to everyone
-C-

Proverbs 4:23

²³" Above all else, guard your heart,
       for it is the wellspring of life"

I could paint outside at dusk for hours

one of my favorite things to do. lots of more pictures of my art coming as soon as I  get my projects back from my portfolio. times like these where I wish I had a studio! 

love always,

-C-

God is a talented artist

what a beautiful day it is! does anyone just take a minute each day and step back and see how amazing this world is? because I do :)
today I realized that everyone is beautiful. simply stunning. i love just going somewhere and watching people (not in a creepy way) because everyone is unique and it amazes me. our Father made each of us specially, knit us together in our mother's womb, perfect in his eyes. I wish everyone would understand that! wanna know what sometimes usually bothers me? seeing girls at my school walk around around with 10 pounds of makeup on and barely any clothes. they  feel that they have to dress in a certain clothes and look a certain way to be liked and to be "popular". it really irks me because I don't dress sleazy and wear a ton of makeup, but yet (not to say this in a cocky way) people like me and I'm friends with everyone. I wish girls would see that it's not the way you look, but it's the way you act and who you really are as a person. I wonder when girls will understand? I really just want to shake some of my friends because they look ridiculous wearing shorts that could be miss taken for a belt...

one day, my friend got on the bus and she had her cheer shorts rolled over so many times, I just had to say something. I said to her (name replaced for her sake) "Jessica, what in the world are you wearing?" and 'jessica' replied "nothing?" and I was just like, "yeah, exactly".
 I know that she dresses like that because she thinks that it will get guys to like her and give her attention. but really, she's making herself look worse.
there are so many young women at my high school that think they have to be something that they're not.
I just want them to understand that they are beautiful naturally.

so if you're one of those girls today, listen to me.
you are beautiful. smile.

REMEMBER.

last night, I was thinking (no surprise there) "who do I want to be remembered as?". if I die tomorrow, what will people say at my funeral? what will people think when they hear my name? what do they think of me now?? hmmm. people notice me.they notice that I'm different. a friend of mine came to me the other day and asked me "Cassey, why are so nice? what separates you from the rest of the teenagers here? who taught you to be the wonderful girl you are today?" I looked at my friend and simply told him that I have the unconditional, ever lasting love of Jesus Christ inside of me. that's what makes me different.
people respect me. i do not let anyone walk all over me. i stand up for myself,others and what I believe in. no matter what. i hope that maybe, just maybe some of my friends will follow me and be strong. because I am proud of the person that I am.
love always,

-C-

Who Am I?

I am Cassandra

         I am one

                  I am art

                          I am running

                                 I am sound

I am rain 

       I am strong

               I am christian

                      I am self-defined

                              I am in dependant

I am dance

        I am nice

                I am loyal

                       I am fun

                               I am music

I am voice

        I am healthy

                I am color

                        I am learning 

                                I am happy

I am vintage

        I am sinful

                 I am forgiving

                         I am forgiven

                                 I am Cassandra

I am one. 

but really, who am I? 

PAAAIIIIINNNNNTTTTT

This is what I plan on doing to the next 120 minutes. and I am excited.

-C-

Sleepless in Seattle

okay fine. Reality check: I'm in NORTH CAROLINA. Not in SEATTLE. I want to be there, but no. I'm here. so I'll live with that. Seattle...well Seattle is Seattle. who wouldn't want to be there?? I mean, it's beautiful. and the name... it's just so peaceful.

anyways. let me rephrase myself: sleepless in Raleigh. better? no. but it is what it is. anywho. I was just watching this movie. and so then I thought, I'm sleepless in Raleigh. so yeah that's how this post came to be. I'm not sure what I'm really writing about right now. but I just heard a train? but I'm pretty positive there aren't any trains where I am at the moment.. STRANGE. and my laptop is burning the skin off my thighs... well it's not that bad but that's what it feels like. I've been trying to watch the movie Girl, Interupted for the past two hours.. but I keep getting distracted. this post is pretty much pointless. so if you're reading it... I'm sorry for wasting your time with my nonsense. okay I'm gonna stop here. cause it's going nowhere.

always,

-C-

moving forward.

a single human being, as distinguished from a group.
what makes you different from your neighbor, your sister, you best friend, your priest, you mailman? individuality. god never intended to make one person exactly the same on this earth, which is the reason for short and tall, skinny and big, red hair vs. black hair, freckles, dimples, disease, disorder, dreams, ideals, war, careers, everything. it all comes down to who you are and the kind of person you choose to be. one thing Ive learned from being Cassandra Louise Casbarro is to not change who I am. why would I want to be something that god does not want? so really, always be yourself. don't change yourself to be the best, get the job, get the friends, to be popular. you are who are and treasure the time and the experiences and the life you lead, because you only get one chance at this crazy thing, so make the best out of it. be thankful for the sun, for the earth, for your talents, for your faults, for your triumphs, for your mistakes, for your legs, for your voice, for your opinions, for being you, for your life. always try to be kind to others, because everyone is struggling in their own way. even though I'm sometimes rude and harsh to people, and scoff easily, at the end of the day i try to think about the person Ive become and if it's me or someone that's being influenced by her surroundings, and from there i move forward being myself because that's how i choose to live, moving forward.

Hello Dear.

Hey everyone. I'm new to this. I've never had a blog before, but everyone is always bugging me to get one, so I figured why not? So here it goes!
First off, I'm not your average high school girl. This life is not about me and my happiness, it's about me finding out who I really am and what I'm supposed to do in this life. My goal is to make a difference in every person's life that I come in contact with. I love school. I love learning. and most of all, I love meeting new people. I smile a lot. and when I say a lot, I mean a lot. I mean what can I say? I'm a happy person. I strive to make everyone happy, even if that means sacrificing some of mine. over the last year, I have experienced a whole lot more than a average teen has, and ever should.
I've faced traumatic things, and recently life has not been all fun and games for me. but, every single hardship I've faced, has made me so much stronger. I would not change my past if I could, because every single thing that has happened to me, has happened for a reason. I am absolutely head-over-heals in love with my savior, Jesus Christ. without him by my side through all that has happened, I would not be the person I am today. actually, I'm not even sure if I would be alive without Him. if you're gonna dream, you might as well dream big. and let me tell you, I have ginormous plans for my life, and the lives around me.

Love Always,
C